Mike and Kay Carr gives insight and real life examples of the ways her and her husband, Mike, have learned to navigate living in community with a low functioning autistic son. Mike and Kay Carr are the founders of Autism Labs and parents of Michael, their thirty three year old son with low functioning autism. With the help of the University of Texas Special Ed & Speech Departments, Kay and Mike have researched and implemented effective at-home systems to promote Michael’s safety, communication, and independence.
Enhancing Autism Daily Living Skills: A Caregiver’s Story of Managing Challenging Behaviors in Public Spaces
The story of the caregiver of challenging behaviors in public spaces It was a typical busy day at Denver International Airport. The sound of the crowd, the overhead declarations and the general chaos of the big journey center filled the air. For most people, the environment may be a bit overwhelming, but for Michael, young adults with severe intellectual disability, constant movement and sound felt like a pressure cooker waiting for the explosion. And in a moment, exactly what happened. Without warning, Michael was bolted, bursting together, his voice increasing in a restless. Kay and Hayden, went into action quickly, chasing them in their hearts. Suddenly overwhelmed security officers rushed to the scene, indicating an emergency that was not just a signal. It was a chaotic moment, but it was also a powerful reminder that facing unexpected behavior for caregiver, how crucial it is to be ready, flexible and calm. As the situation appeared, Ka and Hayden could not help, but reflected on the importance of getting ready for such moments. They strictly learned that the lack of preparation could easily turn a stressful situation into a fully developed crisis. In the midst of confusion, they remembered the strategies that worked for them in the past – he helped Michael and other individuals navigate in similar situations.
Anticipating Triggers: The Importance of Communication
In many cases, challenging behaviors stem from anxiety or sensory overload. For someone like Michael, who struggles with transitions and unfamiliar environments, the constant stimuli at the airport were bound to trigger a response. The key to managing these moments, Kaye and Hayden had discovered, is early intervention—recognizing the signs of distress before they escalate.
One of the first strategies they’d learned was to communicate clearly with Michael, even if he didn’t fully understand the words. They had realized that explaining the upcoming changes in a calm, consistent tone helped him process what was happening around him. On this particular day at the airport, Kaye gently said, “Michael, we’re about to go through security. First, we’ll walk through, and then we’ll wait in line.” She made sure her tone was reassuring, a signal to Michael that the world around him wasn’t something to fear.
Even if Michael couldn’t fully grasp the meaning of every word, the rhythm and calming nature of Kaye’s voice provided him with some sense of order and predictability. It wasn’t a guarantee that things would go smoothly, but it was a good first step toward reducing his anxiety.
Recognizing Early Signs of Stress: The Power of Distraction
But even the best-laid plans sometimes go awry. As Kaye and Hayden caught up with Michael and brought him to a stop, they noticed the telltale signs of rising anxiety—restlessness, rapid vocalizations, and the occasional repetitive movement. They knew it was time to intervene before things escalated.
In situations like this, they’d learned that distractions could be incredibly effective. They quickly handed Michael his favorite fidget toy and offered him a small snack, things that usually helped divert his focus. They also tried lighthearted interactions to shift his attention, engaging him in games like counting or singing, anything to pull his mind away from the overwhelming environment.
These small distractions didn’t always solve the problem, but they helped to buy time and prevent a full-on meltdown.
Adapting Plans on the Fly: Flexibility is Key
Not every situation can be predicted or controlled, and that’s where flexibility comes in. The airport had been an ideal example of this lesson. Kaye and Hayden had planned to take Michael to a quiet corner to relax before their flight, but that hadn’t gone as expected. Instead of forcing the issue and stressing Michael further, they decided to roll with it. They let him sit on a bench for a while, watching the crowds go by. The simple act of allowing him to make that choice—without pushing him into a new activity—helped him relax.
This was a lesson they had learned over time: sometimes it’s best to let the individual take the lead. Instead of forcing a change, give them time to acclimate. In Michael’s case, once he felt comfortable, he usually gravitated toward more engaging activities—on his own terms.
But flexibility wasn’t just about accepting what happened. It was about the willingness to adapt, even in public spaces. Whether it was singing in a crowded terminal to distract him or joining in a silly game to keep him calm, Kaye and Hayden found that the more they embraced the moment, the easier it was to navigate the unexpected.
Practical Strategies: Tools to Help Along the Way
Over the years, Kaye and Hayden had found several tools that made managing challenging behaviors in public spaces more manageable. Snacks were a simple but effective solution during moments of distress, but they knew to use this tool sparingly. “Treats can be a lifesaver,” Kaye said, “but they can’t become the reason behind every positive behavior. It’s about balance.”
Music also became a key part of their strategy. Michael had a few favorite songs that could quickly change his mood. Whether through headphones or a portable speaker, they had learned to use music as a calming agent. The familiarity of his favorite tunes helped ground him when the world around him felt too chaotic.
Sometimes, safety became a concern, especially in crowded spaces or near busy streets. In these instances, Kaye and Hayden had to physically block Michael from wandering into danger. But they always did so gently, guiding him away from the threat with calm confidence.
Fostering Independence: Encouraging Self-Regulation
While intervention was often necessary, Kaye and Hayden knew that fostering Michael’s independence was just as important. They had worked on teaching him to manage his own anxiety, starting with small, controlled environments and gradually building up to busier spaces. It wasn’t about eliminating challenging behaviors but about giving Michael the tools to navigate them on his own.
They were also careful not to rely too heavily on external distractions. Snacks, music, and fidget toys were useful, but Kaye and Hayden knew that it was just as important to teach Michael natural coping mechanisms, like deep breathing or taking a moment to pause.
Staying Calm: The Caregiver’s Role
Ultimately, Kaye and Hayden knew that their own reactions were just as important as any external strategy. Staying calm during challenging moments had become a skill in itself. In the midst of a stressful situation, they would pause, take a deep breath, and reset. Their calm presence often had a calming effect on Michael as well, helping him to settle down more quickly.
They also celebrated the small victories. Whether it was Michael making it through security without a meltdown or navigating a new environment with fewer outbursts, these moments were reminders that progress, no matter how small, was still progress.
Building Understanding in the Community
Caregivers like Kaye and Hayden also understood the importance of educating the public. When Michael’s behavior attracted attention, they would calmly explain his disability, helping others to see the situation with empathy instead of judgment. “He has a disability that makes this environment overwhelming,” Kaye might say, “We’re working on helping him feel calm.”
Over time, they’d also learned to seek out spaces that were more accommodating to individuals with disabilities—places that offered sensory-friendly hours or quieter areas where Michael could feel more comfortable.
Reflecting on the Journey
Looking back at that hectic day in Denver International, Kaye and Hayden were reminded of just how far they had come. What once felt like a chaotic, uncontrollable situation had become a chance to apply the strategies they had spent years perfecting. The airport episode wasn’t the end of the story—it was just another chapter in the journey of caregiving.
With each challenge, they grew more confident in their ability to adapt, to stay patient, and to find creative solutions. Whether they were chasing Michael through a busy airport or guiding him through a community event, they knew they were doing the important work of fostering independence, safety, and understanding.
Closing Thoughts: A Community of Caregivers
Managing challenging behaviors in public spaces is never easy, but it’s part of the journey many caregivers face. Each experience is an opportunity to learn, grow, and build a more inclusive community. To other caregivers navigating similar situations—what strategies do you use? How have you found ways to stay calm and adaptable in public spaces? We’d love to hear your tips and experiences. Together, we can build a supportive community where everyone has the tools to thrive.
Mike and Kay Carr give insight and real life examples of the ways they have learned to navigate living in community with a low-functioning autistic son.
Mike and Kay Carr are the founders of Autism Labs and parents of Michael, their thirty three year old son with low-functioning autism. With the help of the University of Texas Special Ed & Speech Departments, Kay and Mike have researched and implemented effective at-home systems to promote Michael’s safety, communication, and independence.
Follow along to learn simple and effective strategies from behavioral analysts, caretakers, and parents as we journey through the challenges of autism together.
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