Balancing Independence and Safety for Michael: A Parent’s Perspective

At Autism Labs, we believe in the power of real stories and practical strategies that help families navigate the challenges of raising children with autism. Today, I had the privilege of sitting down with Kay Carr, whose insights into her family’s journey with her son, Michael, offer a unique perspective on the fine balance between promoting independence and ensuring safety.
Kay’s story is one of love, patience, and a commitment to finding solutions that empower Michael to lead a fulfilling life, even as they navigate the complexities of his autism. Together, we discussed how they’ve created a supportive environment that allows Michael to enjoy independence while keeping potential risks at bay—especially when it comes to his access to electronics, food, water, and leisure activities.
The Struggle of Independence and Safety

As Kay shared, promoting Michael’s independence is at the core of their approach, but it’s not without its challenges. Michael, like many children on the spectrum, tends to fixate on certain things—whether it’s a snack, a puzzle, or a glass of water. Without boundaries, these fixations can become overwhelming and detract from opportunities for learning or communication.
Michael’s world is filled with repetitive behaviors, which can make it hard for him to engage in new experiences. Kay explained how one of their ongoing goals is to balance his need for independence with the structure that ensures his safety. They’ve learned that giving Michael clear guidelines, while still fostering his autonomy, is key.
Perseveration: The Challenge of Repetition

One of the main challenges in Michael’s life is perseveration—the tendency to fixate on specific objects or activities, even if they interfere with other tasks. For instance, if Michael gets too focused on a puzzle, food, or water, it can be hard to redirect him. His behavior becomes more about accessing those things than engaging in activities that are more educational or social.
This is where structured access to items becomes essential. Kay has found that by creating boundaries around what Michael can access and when, they can gently redirect his focus without causing frustration. This helps Michael stay engaged with other tasks, fostering a broader sense of learning and exploration.
Safety First: Protecting Michael in the Home

Safety is, without a doubt, the Carr family’s top priority. Kay shared several stories where unrestricted access to certain areas or items could have posed serious risks. The kitchen, in particular, has been a hotspot for potential danger.
For example, Kay described how Michael has an affinity for snacking and drinking water. If left unchecked, he could help himself repeatedly to the fridge and pantry, leading to excessive eating and drinking. To avoid this, the family installed locks on the fridge, pantry, and kitchen door, creating boundaries that allow Michael to have a structured routine for meals and snacks.
But the kitchen isn’t the only place where safety needs attention. Kay also mentioned how Michael has a tendency to wander—he loves greeting cars in the driveway, visiting the garbage truck, or simply exploring outside. While his enthusiasm is endearing, it also poses risks.
To combat this, the Carr family has taken a proactive approach, adding key locks on doors to prevent Michael from wandering out unsupervised. And though Michael enjoys outdoor activities, they ensure that he’s always supervised, which not only keeps him safe but also allows him to enjoy the world outside in a secure and structured way.
Communication as a Tool for Independence

One of the most inspiring aspects of Kay’s approach is how these safety measures double as tools for communication and learning. Rather than simply restricting Michael’s access to items, the family uses boundaries as opportunities to teach Michael how to ask for what he wants.
Kay explained how Michael uses a communication device to request items, activities, or permission to go outside. If Michael wants a snack, for example, he must use his device to ask for it. Once he communicates his request, the family immediately responds, reinforcing the behavior. This not only gives Michael greater independence but also teaches him the value of expressing his needs in a meaningful way.
By structuring communication in this way, the Carr family also encourages accountability. Michael learns that his access to food, leisure, or outdoor activities is dependent on responsible communication. Over time, this has helped him internalize routines and expectations, allowing him to grow in his independence and self-advocacy.
Breaking the Cycle of Repetition

Another challenge Kay discussed was Michael’s tendency to get stuck in repetitive cycles of behavior. When he becomes fixated on something, like a puzzle or snack, it’s hard for him to shift his attention to something else. To manage this, the family employs strategies like structured breaks and redirection.
If Michael becomes fixated on a particular item, Kay and her husband will gently guide him to a new activity, whether that’s a different toy, a learning task, or simply a break. These small redirections help Michael break free from the cycle of repetition, giving him space to explore new activities and develop new skills.
The Role of Leisure Activities

Leisure activities are an important part of Michael’s daily life, offering him opportunities for relaxation and self-expression. But as Kay noted, too much time spent on electronics or other leisure items can lead to dependency and overuse.
To find a balance, the Carr family schedules leisure time throughout the day, ensuring that Michael has time to enjoy his favorite activities without allowing them to take over other important tasks. For instance, rather than passively watching TV, Michael is encouraged to engage more actively with his toys or music. This structured approach helps Michael balance his relaxation with other learning opportunities.
Creating a Program-Friendly Environment

The key to Michael’s success, according to Kay, is creating an environment that’s both structured and supportive. By implementing program-friendly restrictions, the family not only keeps Michael safe but also provides him with the tools to grow and develop.
Kay shared a few practical tips for families facing similar challenges:
Assess Your Environment
Identify risks or distractions in your home and address them by creating boundaries, such as installing locks or setting up designated spaces for certain activities.
Encourage Communication
Use safety measures as a chance to teach requesting and self-advocacy skills. Reinforce positive communication with immediate responses.
Balance Freedom and Structure
Provide opportunities for independence while maintaining clear guidelines that promote safety and focus.
Be Patient and Consistent
Changes take time, and consistency is key. Stick to your routines and strategies, even when progress feels slow.
A Family’s Commitment to Growth
Kay’s story is a powerful reminder of the importance of patience and dedication. By using thoughtful strategies, her family has built a world where Michael can safely explore, communicate, and thrive. While the journey is ongoing, the rewards are clear: a more independent Michael who continues to inspire everyone around him.
As Kay put it, “It’s about finding what works for Michael and making sure he has the tools and support to succeed.” Her family’s commitment to growth and their approach to blending independence with safety is a beacon of hope for families facing similar challenges.
If you’re facing similar experiences with a loved one, we hope this story provides helpful insights and encouragement. Together, we can create a brighter, more inclusive future for individuals with autism and their families.
Stay tuned for more stories and strategies from Autism Labs!
Promoting Safety and Communication at Home for Adults with Low-Functioning Autism

Hey, guys, it’s Haden with Autism Labs. And today I interviewed Kay Carr, who is Michael’s mom, and we talked a little bit about promoting independence and communication for Michael. And we also talked about out how free access to electronics and to food and water and to his leisure activities can also lead to some challenging behaviors that don’t actually promote his independence and his communication.
So here’s Kay talking about what that leads to and what it looks like to provide a program-friendly way to restrict these things.
Why does Michael need restricted access to certain spaces and resources?

Well, even when he’s supervised, he needs a little bit of this because… several reasons: one, he perseverates on things. So if he gets in his head that he wants a puzzle, or he wants something in the kitchen—mostly food, sometimes water—he will excessively attempt to access it, over and over and over again, and it helps break that cycle so that that distraction is eliminated, because that becomes a terrible distraction and he’s just revisiting the same thing over and over.
Some of the reasons are safety reasons. We’ve got to be sure that he’s safe. So that’s a second big reason.
The other thing is the eloping. If the back door is open, and somebody drives up the driveway, he loves to go run out and greet the car. He also will go down and visit the garbage truck or whatever’s in the alley. So there’s all kinds of problems with that. It’s those sorts of things.
Tell us about the access restrictions in the kitchen.

The kitchen is restricted access because Michael will help himself to the water and the food all day long if given the option.
We’ve locked the refrigerator because he eats in the kitchen and he will get up during a meal and try to access other items that are in the refrigerator.
We have a lock on the oven because I’ve been in there when the oven was on 500 degrees before and he just accidentally bumped it. All those flat panel displays have their issues.
Then we’ve got the lock to the pantry. It’s a full walk-in pantry and he has many snack selections in there. And he always wants a snack. So that’s just a simple control access point for that.
Then on the way out of the kitchen, we have a key lock on the kitchen door so that he cannot escape. Once he’s all settled for a meal and he’s sitting down and eating, or more likely he’s doing the dishes, he sometimes tries to elope. And so the idea there is he needs to request the access to whatever it is and be granted it rather than just running out the room. So the key lock prevents him from just running out of the kitchen whenever he feels like it.