When caring for individuals with Severe Intellectual Disabilities, delivering social attention can be provided in many different forms. This video discusses how some individuals on the Autism Spectrum respond to various forms of social attention and when it is and is not appropriate to deliver that social attention as part of autism intervention strategies.
Understanding Social Attention: Insights from Michael’s Journey
Social attention shapes how we connect with others and build relationships. For individuals with profound autism, like Michael, the dynamics of social attention can be more complex, but they offer powerful lessons. Through Michael’s journey, his parents have learned how to give attention in a way that fosters connection, respects boundaries, and helps him navigate social situations.
Let’s take a walk through Michael’s world to better understand the importance of social attention and how it plays a vital role in forming meaningful connections.
Michael’s Unique Relationship with Social Attention
Michael, a young man with profound autism, thrives on social attention. Though nonverbal, his quest for connection is clear. Whether he’s with family, strangers, or people in his community, Michael has a unique way of reaching out for interaction. His actions often speak louder than words.
Take, for instance, family walks. When Michael’s parents, Kaye and Hayden, head out on the trail, Michael often approaches someone—a fellow hiker or a friendly face passing by—drawn to them by curiosity or the simple joy of human connection. These interactions can sometimes leave the strangers a little puzzled, as Michael doesn’t verbalize his intentions. But his enthusiasm for a shared moment is undeniable.
Then there’s Michael’s love for basketball. Whether he scores or misses a shot, it doesn’t matter. What’s important to him is the communal spirit of the game. High-fives become his preferred form of connection with teammates, a simple yet powerful gesture of engagement.
At home, Michael’s desire for attention is even more pronounced. When Kaye and Hayden settle in to watch TV, Michael ensures he’s the center of their attention by positioning himself directly in their line of sight. If that doesn’t work, he escalates—nudging, tapping, or even pounding on a knee, all in a bid for reassurance, connection, and the joy of engagement.
The Value of Appropriate Social Attention
Giving Michael the attention he seeks is a careful dance. It’s not just about responding to every interaction; it’s about recognizing his need for connection while respecting boundaries. Michael’s parents learned early on that clear, direct communication was key. Despite his inability to speak, Michael understands far more than he can express.
They’ve found that speaking to him as an equal conversational partner—without oversimplifying or talking down to him—resonates deeply. “Michael, we’re going to play basketball now. Would you like to join?” This simple statement affirms his place in the conversation and helps him prepare for transitions. It’s not just about telling him what’s coming next, but giving him a voice in the matter. It creates a sense of inclusion and reduces the anxiety that can often accompany changes in routine.
When Social Attention Becomes Inappropriate
While social attention is vital, not all attention is helpful. In fact, sometimes reacting too quickly can inadvertently reinforce challenging behaviors. Michael’s parents learned this lesson the hard way during a phase when he would pull their hair or dig his nails into their skin to provoke a reaction. At first, their instinct was to respond—to scold him, redirect his actions, or physically intervene.
But with the guidance of behavioral specialists, they learned a better way: ignoring the behavior. It wasn’t about neglecting Michael’s needs—it was about not rewarding the undesired behavior with attention. Ignoring these actions took immense self-control. It’s not easy to stay calm when you’re physically uncomfortable, but over time, Michael began to learn that these behaviors wouldn’t get him the reaction he wanted. He found other, healthier ways to seek attention.
Balancing Attention and Independence
One of the biggest challenges Michael’s parents face is balancing their attention with fostering his independence. After a long day, Kaye and Hayden often look forward to winding down. But for Michael, evening time is an opportunity for connection, especially with his dad, who has been away at work. Michael loves to engage—playing games, exchanging high-fives, and sharing activities. These interactions are heartwarming, but they can also be exhausting when his parents need some quiet time to recharge.
To address this, they created a structure for the evening. They set clear expectations for what the night will look like. For example, they might spend the first hour actively engaging with Michael and the next hour in quiet relaxation. They encourage him to explore independent activities, like working on a puzzle or playing a computer game. Initially, Michael resists these moments of solitude, but over time, he’s learned to accept them. This balance helps him gradually build self-reliance and understand that his parents’ attention isn’t always available on demand.
Strategies for Delivering Social Attention
Through their experiences, Michael’s parents have developed strategies for delivering social attention in a way that’s positive, productive, and respectful:
Talk to Them Like Adults
Even if someone is nonverbal, they often understand much more than they can express. It’s important to avoid speaking in a patronizing tone. Treating them as equals fosters respect and engagement.
Use Positive Reinforcement
When Michael shows desirable behaviors—like asking for something politely or playing independently—his parents reinforce those behaviors with praise or a preferred activity.
Set Clear Boundaries
Establishing limits is essential. Michael’s parents make it clear when transitions are coming, like switching from playtime to quiet time, so Michael knows what to expect.
Encourage Self-Initiated Activities
Giving Michael options for independent activities empowers him to explore his interests without relying on constant social interaction.
Be Consistent
Whether ignoring undesirable behaviors or reinforcing good ones, consistency helps Michael understand the link between his actions and the outcomes.
Lessons Learned from Michael’s Journey
Michael’s journey is a testament to the power of appropriate social attention. His love for connection is universal, yet his story also highlights the importance of boundaries and fostering independence. As his parents have discovered, delivering social attention isn’t just about being reactive; it’s about being proactive, patient, and flexible. It’s about meeting Michael where he is—celebrating his unique personality while gently guiding him toward greater autonomy.
A Message for Caregivers and Families
For those navigating similar journeys with loved ones who have profound autism, remember that progress is a marathon, not a sprint. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed or uncertain at times. What matters most is showing up with love, consistency, and an open heart. Every small win is a step toward greater connection and independence.
If you have questions or would like to share your own experiences, we invite you to join the conversation. Together, we can learn from one another and continue building a world where every individual is valued and understood.
Hey guys, it’s Haden with ALABs. And today we’re going to be talking about what social attention looks like and how it can be delivered appropriately in different settings.
How does Michael respond to social attention?
Well, Michael loves social attention, right? So he does seek it out, and it’s with other people he doesn’t even know. So like, if we’re walking on the trail and he sees a cute gal, he doesn’t know exactly what to do, but he’ll walk over to her and just sort of stand there, and then she’s sort of like, okay, what’s going on? Right? Then we have to come up and explain. So he likes the interaction of just someone looking at him.
When he’s on a basketball court, he likes the high fives, like, gimme that high five! And every time he makes a shot, he wants a high five… and if he misses a shot, he wants a high five. It makes no difference, right? He just wants that interaction.
And then at night, if we’re watching TV and we’re not paying attention to him, he’ll stand right in front of you so you cannot watch the TV set. And then if you move this way, he’ll move right in front of you, too. And then if you still don’t give him attention, he’ll start pounding on your knee like, hey hey. And then finally you’ll stand up and hug him or something and play with him for a little bit, and he’s fine. But he does definitely seek out social attention from anyone that’s around.
When is it appropriate to give Michael social attention?
Well, I think the biggest thing that’s normal and that he appreciates is just talking to him. And I mean, actually talking to him and asking him questions and talking about what’s fixing to happen. I think he understands a lot more than obviously he can say back to you because he’s typically nonverbal. So if you’re talking to him, “Hey, Michael, we’re going to go do this. Would you like to go do this?” like a normal person, he really appreciates that. And so just that dialogue without dumbing it down is something that he knows you’re paying attention to him, first of all, and he knows you’re sort of talking to him, and he gets, I think, part of the gist of what you’re saying. I think that’s hugely important.
When is it inappropriate to give Michael social attention?
We learned the hard way that we would do these reactive things, and he would continue to do these aggressive things, and it just would escalate, escalate, and escalate. So we finally got behavior specialists in who went through all of this with us, and their number one suggestion was ignore. Ignore, ignore, ignore. It’s very hard to ignore when somebody is yanking your hair out or they’re digging their fingernails into your skin. It’s very difficult to just pretend nothing is going on. So you have to be a really good actor. You have to be a poker face. You have to play along and just, like, pretend nothing is happening. And then Michael will calm down and he will quit doing it because he did not get what he wanted, which was all of that attention.
So I think the biggest challenge as a parent is, you’re tired at the end of the day and you really want to relax and unwind and watch TV or whatever it is you’re wanting to do. But Michael has not seen his dad all day long, and so this is his time, right, when you’re going down there to be with him. And so doing a little bit of that is great, right? Some high five, some playing some games with him, but he doesn’t want to stop. And so it’s this idea that, hey, Michael, we’re going to have an hour down here and part of that time is going to be with you, but part of that time is just going to be sitting down on the sofa. You’re welcome to sit down and watch TV with us, but if you don’t want to do that, go play your puzzles or go over to the computer game and play the computer game or go into the other room and play Wii, right? So there are a variety of other activities we sort of have going that he can engage in, and he doesn’t want to do that unless you’re with him.
So the thing we’re trying to work on is, can he self-initiate more and sort of entertain himself, especially at the end of the day when mom and dad really would like to unwind and talk to one another and do something that doesn’t involve him all the time. And that seems a bit selfish, but that’s really the reality of the situation, right? Parents cannot always be with their kiddo and entertain them when they’re there versus actually sitting in the same room with them so that you’re present, but you’re not actively engaged with them all the time.
We hope this video provided insight into providing social attention appropriately to the individuals you care for. If you have any questions or would like to provide some feedback about this content or future content that you would like for us to cover, then and please leave a comment below. Thanks.
